As a 55-year-old transgender woman, makeup has been more than just a collection; it’s been a lifelong companion of self-discovery, affirmation, and resilience. Like many of you, my journey with makeup began as a whisper of authenticity—a secret shared between between my inner self and the reflection in the mirror. It was never about a kink, a fetish, or a means of sexual arousal. Instead, it was a profound expression of identity in a world that often denied me that very essence.
Yet, despite the deeply personal and sincere nature of this expression, we’re frequently met with misunderstanding, harsh judgments, and baseless accusations. Society seems intent on scrutinizing us, no matter how we choose to present ourselves. This relentless pressure begs the question: Can we ever win in a world that refuses to see us for who we truly are?
The Unseen Struggle Behind the Mirror
For many women—transgender and cisgender alike—makeup is more than mere cosmetics; it’s a form of art, a mode of self-expression, and sometimes, a protective armor against societal expectations.
The first time I carefully applied lipstick, it wasn’t an act of rebellion or mimicry. It was a moment of quiet affirmation. Each brushstroke was a step toward aligning my outer appearance with my inner identity. The soft hues of eyeshadow and the gentle curve of eyeliner were not about drawing attention but about communicating without words.
Like many of you, these early experiences with makeup were conducted in solitude, away from prying eyes and judgmental gaze. The fear of being discovered was palpable, but the need to feel a semblance of wholeness outweighed the risks. It was a private dialogue with myself—a necessary step in understanding and embracing who I am.
However, as we step out into the world, the private act of self-expression becomes a public spectacle open to scrutiny. The societal gaze is unyielding, dissecting every aspect of our appearance—our clothing, our mannerisms, and yes, our makeup.
Wear too much, and we’re accused of parodying femininity or seeking undue attention. Opt for too little or none at all, and we’re told we’re not trying hard enough, not truly committed to our gender identity. It’s a no-win situation fraught with double standards and unrealistic expectations.
The Painful Accusations of “Womenface”
One of the most hurtful critiques hurled at transgender women is the accusation of wearing “womenface.” This term suggests that we are impersonating or mocking womanhood, drawing a false parallel to the racist history of “blackface.”
“Blackface” has a sordid history rooted in oppression, where white performers would paint their faces to caricature and demean Black individuals. It was an act steeped in racism and dehumanization. To equate this with transgender women expressing their gender identity is not only incorrect but also dismissive of both.
Our use of makeup is not an act of mockery but a deeply personal endeavor to present ourselves as we truly are. It is an affirmation of our identity, not a parody. By accusing us of “womenface,” detractors invalidate our experiences and reduce our complex journeys to a misguided stereotype.
Such accusations carry a significant emotional burden. They contribute to feelings of isolation, isolation, and alienation. For many of us, these accusations exacerbate existing struggles with mental health, self-esteem, and societal acceptance.
I recall moments when these words cut deep, causing me to question my place in the world. The pain isn’t just from the insult itself, but from the realization that there are those who refuse to see our humanity.
Dispelling the Myth of Makeup as a Kink
Another damaging stereotype is the notion that our relationship with makeup is rooted in sexual fetish or kink. This misconception not only trivializes our identities but also perpetuates harmful narratives.
For the vast majority of transgender women, makeup is a means of aligning our external appearance with our internal selves. It’s about visibility, acceptance, and sometimes, survival. Reducing this to a sexual fetish ignores the profound significance makeup holds in our lives.
I, like many of you, have faced accusations that my equate our expression of femininity with deviant behavior. These baseless claims are not only offensive but also dangerous, as they can incite discrimination and violence against us.
It’s essential to confront these misconceptions head-on. By sharing our stories and educating others, we can begin to dismantle these harmful narratives. Our voices matter, and our experiences are valid.
Navigating the Double Standards of Femininity
The societal expectations placed upon women are often contradictory and unattainable. For transgender women, these pressures are amplified, creating an almost impossible standard to navigate.
We’re expected to express femininity in a way that satisfies everyone—a feat that is neither fair nor feasible. If we embrace traditionally feminine aesthetics, we’re sometimes accused of reinforcing stereotypes. If we don’t, we’re told we’re not “real” women.
These conflicting messages create a constant state of tension. I remember countless times agonizing over my appearance—should I wear makeup to this event? Will it make others uncomfortable? Will I face ridicule or worse?
Attempting to conform to these arbitrary standards can be exhausting and detrimental to our well-being. It’s important to recognize that there’s no one “right” way to be a woman. Femininity is diverse, and our expressions of it are equally valid.
Standing Firm in Our Authenticity
Amidst these challenges, the most empowering choice we can make is to stay true to ourselves. Your relationship with makeup is uniquely yours. Whether you enjoy bold, vibrant looks, prefer a natural look, or choose to forgo makeup entirely, your choices are legitimate expressions of who you are.
For me, makeup is a cherished part of my daily routine. It’s a moment of self-care and affirmation. It reminds me of the journey, the struggles of self-acceptance, and the courage of perseverance that I’ve overcome.
By embracing our authenticity, we not only empower ourselves but also set an example for others. Our confidence can inspire those around us and challenge societal norms.
Building and Leaning on Supportive Communities
No one should have to face these struggles alone. Finding and nurturing supportive networks can provide comfort, strength, and a sense of belonging. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be profoundly healing. Support groups, both in-person and online, offer safe spaces to to share, listen, and grow.
I’ve found solace in communities that embrace diversity and encourage open dialogue. These connections have been invaluable, offering insights, encouragement, and friendship. Allies play a crucial role in challenging prejudice and advocating for equality. Friends, family members, and colleagues who stand with us can amplify our voices and help effect change.
Encourage those around you to learn, listen, and advocate. Together, we can foster a more inclusive and understanding society.
Challenging and Changing Societal Norms
Progress often requires challenging the status quo and advocating for systemic change. The beauty industry and media wield significant influence over societal perceptions of femininity. By supporting brands and platforms that celebrate diversity and inclusivity, we can help shift these narratives.
Advocate for representation that reflects the true spectrum of womanhood. Visibility matters, and seeing ourselves represented authentically can be empowering.
Open conversations about gender identity, expression, and the challenges we face can promote understanding. While it’s not our responsibility to to educate everyone, engaging when possible can dismantle misconceptions.
I’ve found that some of the most impactful moments come from honest, empathetic discussions. Sharing personal experiences can humanize abstract concepts and foster empathy.
Moving Forward with Compassion and Resilience
In the face of adversity, cultivating compassion—for ourselves and others—can be a powerful tool. Navigating a world filled with misunderstanding and hostility can be draining. It’s vital to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. This might include seeking professional support, engaging in activities that bring joy joy, or simply taking time to rest. It’s okay to step back when needed. Your well-being is paramount.
While it can be challenging, approaching others with compassion can sometimes bridge gaps. Recognize that fear and ignorance often stem from ignorance. Responding with patience can sometimes open doors to understanding. This doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior, but rather choosing not to let anger consume us.
The Bottom Line
Can we win in a society that scrutinizes us regardless of our choices? Perhaps the answer isn’t about societal approval but about finding peace within ourselves.
Our resilience, authenticity, and courage are victories in their own right. Every day we live true to ourselves is a testament to of our strength. By living openly and authentically, we inspire others and contribute to a broader movement toward acceptance and equality. Our stories have the power to change hearts and minds.
To every transgender woman reading this, know that you are not alone. Your experiences, feelings, and choices are valid. Whether you wear makeup or not, you deserve respect, understanding, and love.
Remember, the journey is about more than winning societal approval; it’s about owning your narrative and living authentically. Our journeys are as diverse as we are, but in sharing them, we find common ground and strength. Let us stand together, embrace our authentic selves, and continue to challenge the double standards that.
