For most of my life, I lived in the shadows. I hid my true self behind clothes that didn’t feel right, silence when I wanted to speak, and a version of me that the world found acceptable. It wasn’t until later in life that I finally decided: I deserve to be seen—on my own terms.
Coming out as a trans woman after years (or decades) of hiding is a journey filled with joy, fear, and a lot of unlearning. One of the biggest lessons I’ve embraced? Beauty is mine to define. And if you’re on a similar journey—whether you’re just starting out or rethinking how you present yourself—I want you to know: You get to decide how you show up in the world.
So let’s talk about beauty, self-expression, and breaking free from the expectations that have weighed us down for too long.
The Pressure to Look a Certain Way
When I first started embracing my femininity, I felt pressure to “catch up” to some impossible standard. I thought I had to make up for lost time—wear the perfect dresses, master makeup, and present a polished version of womanhood that the world would approve of.
And I know I’m not alone. Many of us, especially those of us transitioning later in life, feel like we have to prove our womanhood by conforming to society’s narrow beauty standards.
But here’s the truth I’ve learned: No one else gets to define what being a woman looks like for me. And they don’t get to define it for you either.
Whether you love a bold red lip or prefer to go makeup-free, whether you enjoy dresses and heels or feel more at home in jeans and sneakers—your beauty is real, and it is yours.
Makeup or No Makeup? It’s Your Call
For years, I felt like I had to wear makeup just to be seen as valid. And while I love how a touch of mascara and lipstick can make me feel radiant, I’ve realized that I don’t need it to be a woman.
Some trans women love makeup. Some don’t. Some use it as an art form, a way to affirm their identity, or a shield of confidence. Others find freedom in going bare-faced.
Whatever makes you feel most like yourself is what matters. Makeup is an option, not a requirement.
Fashion: Expressing Yourself on Your Terms
When I first started dressing as myself, I thought I had to wear ultra-feminine outfits all the time—skirts, dresses, and anything that screamed “woman.” But as time passed, I realized I wasn’t dressing for myself. I was dressing for approval.
Now, I dress in what makes me feel good. Some days, I feel like wearing a flowy dress. Other days, I’m happiest in a cozy sweater and jeans.
You don’t have to prove your womanhood through fashion. If you love bright, bold outfits—rock them. If you prefer a minimalist, low-key look—own it. If you’re still experimenting—take your time and have fun with it.
You are allowed to redefine your style at any age, at any stage of transition.
Dealing with Judgment: Learning to Prioritize Your Happiness
Unfortunately, trans women often face unsolicited opinions about their appearance. Some people may think they have a right to comment on whether your look is “feminine enough” or “too much.” Others may project their own insecurities onto you.
One of the hardest things about finally stepping into the world as myself has been facing the opinions of others. I’ve had people question whether I look “feminine enough.” I’ve heard the whispers and seen the stares.
The good news? You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
- If someone questions why you don’t wear makeup, remind yourself that your face is already perfect.
- If someone says you’re “trying too hard” with your fashion choices, remind yourself that their opinion doesn’t define you.
- If someone insists you should look a certain way to be seen as a “real woman,” remember: You already are one.
The only approval you need is your own.
Redefining Strength: From Bodybuilding to Feminine Fitness
For years, my body was a fortress—built strong, sculpted with discipline, and shaped by my past as a bodybuilder. When I finally embraced my truth as a woman, I believed that downsizing my muscle mass was essential to achieving a more traditionally feminine silhouette. So, for the past two years, I did everything I could to soften my physique. I trained less, ate differently, and watched my body change.
At first, I thought this was the right path—letting go of the muscle meant embracing femininity, right? But as the months passed, I found myself increasingly disappointed. The changes didn’t bring me the confidence I had hoped for. Instead, I felt weaker, less like myself, and strangely disconnected from my own body.
Then, a realization hit me: my strength wasn’t the enemy—my perception of it was.
I had spent so much time trying to erase the person I was that I forgot that my muscles weren’t just remnants of my past—they were a part of me. They weren’t a symbol of masculinity; they were a symbol of dedication, resilience, and power. And I didn’t have to sacrifice those things to be the woman I am.
So, I made the decision to return to the gym—not to rebuild the same physique I once had, but to redefine strength on my own terms. My goal isn’t to eradicate my muscles but to shape them in a way that aligns with how I want to feel in my body.
Now, I lift with intention, focusing on toning and firming rather than bulking. I train in ways that make me feel powerful and feminine at the same time. And most importantly, I no longer see fitness as a battle between my past and present—I see it as a tool to craft the body that feels most like me.
To other trans women navigating fitness and femininity, I say this: Your body, your rules. If muscle makes you feel strong and beautiful, keep it. If you prefer a softer look, that’s valid too. There is no single way to be a woman—only the way that makes you feel at home in yourself.
And for me, that means embracing both my femininity and my strength—without apology.
Building Confidence and Finding Community
If there’s one thing that has helped me on this journey, it’s finding others who uplift and affirm me.
- I’ve found support online in trans communities where others share their beauty journeys.
- I’ve made friends who celebrate me just as I am.
- I’ve connected with other late bloomers who remind me that it’s never too late to live authentically.
You don’t have to do this alone. Whether you’re coming out later in life or just starting to experiment with self-expression, there are people who will celebrate you exactly as you are.
RELATED: Finding Your Tribe: Building a Supportive Community as a Single Trans Person
The Bottom Line
For so many years, I lived by other people’s expectations. But now? I’m finally living by my own.
I may have spent most of my life hiding, but now that I’m out, I’m doing it my way. I’m choosing what makes me feel good. I’m embracing my beauty on my own terms. And I want the same for you.
So whether you love a full glam look or prefer to keep things natural… whether you’re all about dresses or love a more laid-back style… whether you’re just starting to express your femininity or refining your look after years of experimenting…
You are beautiful. You are valid. And you get to decide how you present yourself to the world.
So tell me—what makes you feel most like yourself? Whatever it is, own it. Unapologetically.
