For kindness is your nature, but taking care of yourself ensures you can keep giving.
The creation of Transvitae.com was born from a personal and powerful journey. I launched this platform as a passion project on the one-year anniversary of the start of my medical transition. As a transgender woman who had finally embarked on the path of living authentically, I knew that I wanted to create something that would be more than just a blog or a resource—it had to be a community. A place where transgender individuals could learn, grow, and find guidance from someone who understood their unique perspective.
Over the last 6 months since going launching the website, I have poured my heart into researching and sharing everything I’ve learned about gender, identity, transition, and the challenges we face. I research not only for myself, as I move forward in my own journey, but also for others who are navigating similar paths. Each article, each social media post, is crafted with the hope that it will resonate with someone who needs it, that it will be a source of information and comfort for our community.
Recently, I’ve shared some personal challenges that have come up in my own life—struggles that aren’t just about transitioning, but about navigating relationships, self-worth, and balancing the pressure to give to others while also taking care of myself. The outpouring of support, guidance, and love I’ve received from those who follow me on social media has been overwhelming in the best way. I am so appreciative of every message, every bit of outreach. It reminds me why I created this platform in the first place—to build connections and create a space where we can all help one another.
But with all this support, I’ve also realized the importance of setting boundaries. This article is my way of sharing how I navigate the balance between providing help to those in need and taking care of myself—a balance that is essential not only for me but for anyone in our community who has a heart full of kindness and a desire to give.
The Heart of Transvitae: Compassion and Connection
When I created Transvitae, it wasn’t just to write about medical transitions or the logistics of hormone replacement therapy. I wanted to build a space where transgender individuals could feel understood, seen, and supported. My own journey has been filled with moments of feeling alone, of not knowing where to turn for information or guidance. I didn’t want others to feel that way.
For many of us in the transgender community, empathy and compassion come naturally. We understand the unique struggles of gender dysphoria, societal rejection, and the process of becoming who we truly are. When we see others facing these same challenges, we often feel compelled to help. It’s our way of saying, “I see you. I’ve been where you are, and I’m here to support you.”
In the past year, I’ve found immense joy in helping others through Transvitae. But I’ve also learned that, like many of you, I sometimes overextend myself. I get caught up in trying to help everyone, responding to every message, and writing articles that cover every question or concern people send my way. And while this has brought me a deep sense of fulfillment, it’s also left me emotionally and mentally drained at times.
That’s when I realized something important: while helping others is a beautiful act of kindness, it must be balanced with self-care. If I burn out, I can’t continue to give in the way I want to. This realization led me to the importance of boundaries.
Boundaries: An Act of Kindness Toward Yourself
One of the most critical lessons I’ve learned on this journey is that boundaries are not about shutting people out—they are about protecting your own well-being so you can continue to be there for others.
Before launching Transvitae, I had never thought much about boundaries. I was someone who said “yes” to everyone and everything. I felt that if I could help, I should help. But over time, I started to notice that I was giving so much of myself that I was left with little energy for my own needs. I would finish writing an article, responding to comments and emails, and find myself completely drained, with no time left to focus on my own mental health, my own transition, or my own happiness.
The truth is, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Giving and giving without taking time to recharge will eventually leave you depleted, and when that happens, not only do you suffer, but so do those who rely on you. Boundaries are a way to ensure that you can continue to give, but sustainably.
Here’s why setting boundaries has become a crucial part of my journey:
- Prevents Emotional Exhaustion: Constantly being “on” for others can lead to burnout. By setting limits on how much time and energy you spend helping others, you give yourself the space to recharge.
- Fosters Healthier Relationships: When you set boundaries, it teaches others to respect your time and energy. Relationships based on mutual respect are far healthier than those where one person is constantly giving and the other is constantly taking.
- Empowers You to Help More: Boundaries allow you to help others in the long term, rather than burning out and being unable to continue.
- Reinforces Self-Worth: When you set boundaries, you’re telling yourself that your needs matter just as much as those of the people you’re helping. This is a vital part of self-love.
Setting Boundaries Without Guilt: How to Protect Your Energy While Staying Empathetic
For those of us who are naturally empathetic, setting boundaries can feel like a foreign concept. Often, we fear that by saying no or stepping back, we’re abandoning those who need us most. Worse, we worry that we’ll come across as selfish or uncaring. But here’s a crucial truth: boundaries are not about pushing people away—they’re about preserving your ability to continue showing up for others, sustainably and wholeheartedly.
Boundaries are not a rejection of kindness, but rather an act of kindness toward yourself. When we set boundaries, we communicate to ourselves and others that our well-being matters, and that by protecting our energy, we can be more present, more compassionate, and more effective in our support of others. Setting boundaries is not selfish—it’s necessary for your health and the quality of your relationships.
Here are some expanded strategies I’ve found effective for setting boundaries, and I hope they help you, too:
Know Your Limits
Understanding your own limits is the foundation of healthy boundary-setting. It requires a degree of self-awareness that many of us, especially those who are used to giving freely, might not have developed. But it’s crucial to ask yourself the hard questions: How much time and emotional energy do you have to give today, this week, or this month? What are your non-negotiables when it comes to your personal life and well-being?
For me, this meant taking a long, hard look at how much I was able to realistically devote to Transvitae, while still making time for my own personal life and mental health. It wasn’t easy at first—I felt an immense pressure to be available to everyone who reached out. But over time, I learned to recognize the signs that I was approaching my limit: irritability, fatigue, or even a creeping sense of dread when responding to yet another message. Once I identified these signs, I started paying more attention to them, allowing myself to step back before I reached burnout.
Ask yourself: What are the indicators that you’re stretching yourself too thin? Learning to recognize these early warning signs will allow you to adjust your commitments before you become overwhelmed.
Communicate with Kindness and Clarity
Setting boundaries often involves saying “no”—something that can feel uncomfortable, especially when you’re someone who is used to saying “yes.” The key to doing this in a way that maintains your relationships is communication. How you communicate your boundaries is just as important as the boundaries themselves.
When I need to set a boundary, I try to be both clear and kind. For example, if someone reaches out to me with a request that I simply don’t have the bandwidth for, I’ll say something like, “I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m not able to help at the moment. I hope you find the support you need.” This way, I’m not leaving them hanging or making them feel dismissed, but I’m also being honest about my own limits.
It’s important to remember that setting boundaries doesn’t require a lengthy explanation. You don’t owe anyone a detailed reason for why you can’t help. Sometimes a simple, “I’m sorry, I can’t,” is enough. Clear, concise communication not only helps preserve your energy but also sets the expectation that your boundaries should be respected.
One thing I’ve learned through this process is that most people respect boundaries more than we think they will. Many of us fear that setting limits will damage relationships or make others think less of us, but in my experience, the opposite is true. People appreciate clarity and honesty, and setting boundaries often strengthens relationships by establishing mutual respect.
Make Self-Care a Priority
For a long time, I neglected self-care, thinking that if I wasn’t constantly working on Transvitae or responding to messages, I was somehow failing. But over time, I’ve come to understand that self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. It’s the fuel that keeps you going.
Making self-care a priority means carving out intentional time for activities that nurture and restore you. For me, this means setting aside time for my hobbies, such as reading, writing, or even just taking quiet walks in nature. I’ve learned to protect these moments fiercely because they’re what replenish my energy and allow me to continue showing up for others.
Self-care can take many forms, depending on what fills your cup. It might be physical—like exercise or sleep—or it might be emotional, like spending time with supportive friends or engaging in therapy. It could be spiritual practices, such as meditation or journaling, or simply the act of unplugging from social media for a few hours. Whatever it is, the key is to make it a non-negotiable part of your life.
Let Go of Guilt
One of the hardest parts of setting boundaries is letting go of the guilt that often accompanies it. If you’re used to being the person who’s always there for others, it can feel like you’re letting people down when you say no. But I’ve had to remind myself—and now I’m reminding you—guilt is not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It’s often a sign that you’re doing something new and healthy.
When I first started setting boundaries, I felt guilty too. But I’ve learned to reframe guilt as a signal that I’m growing, that I’m learning to take care of myself in a way that will ultimately benefit both me and the people I care about.
Remember: You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re constantly giving without taking time to recharge, your ability to help others will diminish, and your own well-being will suffer. Boundaries allow you to continue showing up fully for yourself and others, without depleting your own resources.
Check In with Yourself Regularly
Boundary-setting is not a one-time event; it’s an ongoing practice. It’s important to regularly check in with yourself to assess whether your current boundaries are working or if adjustments need to be made. This is something I do frequently. I’ll ask myself questions like: How am I feeling today? Am I starting to feel overwhelmed again? Is there an area of my life where I need to reinforce or reevaluate a boundary?
Self-awareness is key to maintaining healthy boundaries, and regular check-ins allow you to catch any signs of burnout before they escalate.
Setting boundaries without guilt is a journey, not a destination. For those of us who are naturally empathetic and compassionate, it’s easy to feel like we’re doing something wrong when we say no or take a step back. But boundaries are not selfish—they’re necessary. They’re the tools that allow us to continue being kind, compassionate, and present for others while also caring for ourselves.
By knowing your limits, communicating with kindness, prioritizing self-care, and letting go of guilt, you can set boundaries that protect your energy and well-being—so you can continue giving, sustainably and wholeheartedly.
Loving Yourself as You Love Others
In the past six months, I’ve learned a vital truth that many in the transgender community grapple with: self-love is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. For so long, I had believed that taking care of others was more important than taking care of myself, but this mindset left me drained, emotionally exhausted, and disconnected from my own needs. As transgender individuals, we often face immense external challenges, whether they come from society’s expectations, family dynamics, or the internal struggles of gender dysphoria. It becomes easy to lose sight of ourselves in the process, giving everything to others without reserving any care or energy for ourselves. But loving yourself as much as you love others is not only essential—it’s the foundation of your overall well-being.
Affirm Your Worth
One of the most transformative practices I’ve embraced is affirming my own worth. Self-love, for me, began with recognizing that I deserved care, respect, and kindness just as much as those around me. For so many years, I had measured my value based on how much I could give to others or how productive I could be. This constant cycle of trying to prove myself left me feeling inadequate when I couldn’t meet those impossible standards.
Now, when those feelings of inadequacy creep in, I remind myself: “I am enough.” It’s a simple affirmation, but it carries so much weight. It’s a reminder that my worth isn’t tied to how much I give, how much I achieve, or how many people I help. I am worthy simply because I exist. This shift in mindset has been crucial in fostering a more positive relationship with myself. Self-love starts with this belief—that you are enough just as you are, and that you deserve the same compassion and care that you so freely offer to others.
Make Time for Joy
Another critical element of self-love I’ve embraced is prioritizing joy. For so long, I was focused on giving to others and maintaining the daily grind that I forgot to create space for the things that bring me happiness. It was only when I hit a wall of burnout that I realized how vital joy is to self-care.
Now, I consciously make time for the things that bring me joy and fulfillment. Sometimes that means diving deep into research for Transvitae, as I find joy in learning and sharing knowledge with others. Other times, it means taking time away from work entirely—whether that’s spending time with friends, going for a walk, or simply enjoying a peaceful evening by myself. Finding joy in everyday moments has become an anchor for me. It helps me recharge, refocus, and remind myself that life isn’t just about giving—it’s also about experiencing and enjoying the small, beautiful moments that make it all worthwhile.
Embrace Support
One of the most surprising lessons I’ve learned about self-love is the importance of accepting support. As someone who has always been in the role of giver—whether through my work with Transvitae or in my personal life—I wasn’t used to receiving help from others. It felt uncomfortable at first, as if accepting help somehow made me weak or less capable. But I’ve learned that asking for and accepting support is an act of self-love.
Over the last six months, I’ve faced personal challenges that have pushed me to lean on my community more than ever before. I shared my struggles openly online, and what I received in return was nothing short of overwhelming. The messages of love, guidance, and encouragement from the Transvitae community reminded me that I am not alone in this journey, and that it’s okay to rely on others sometimes. Embracing support doesn’t diminish my strength—it reinforces it. It has shown me that loving yourself also means allowing others to show you love. We are stronger together, and there is no shame in seeking help when you need it.
Prioritizing Self-Love
Ultimately, self-love is about making yourself a priority in your own life. It’s about recognizing that your well-being matters just as much as the well-being of those you care about. For many transgender individuals, this can feel like a radical act in a world that often tells us we aren’t enough. But loving yourself isn’t about being selfish—it’s about ensuring that you have the energy, the emotional resilience, and the strength to continue living authentically and giving to others in meaningful ways.
By affirming your worth, making time for joy, and embracing support when you need it, you nurture a deeper relationship with yourself. You become more in tune with your needs, and in doing so, you’re better equipped to show up for others, not out of obligation or burnout, but from a place of genuine care and compassion.
Remember, self-love is not a destination—it’s an ongoing practice. It’s something we have to commit to every day, especially in the face of external challenges. But the more you love yourself, the more you’ll find that you can pour that love into others, in ways that are healthy, sustainable, and deeply fulfilling.
The Bottom Line
Launching Transvitae has been one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done, but it’s also taught me valuable lessons about balance. Helping others is an incredible gift, but only when it’s done with boundaries that protect your well-being.
So, if you’re someone who pours your heart into helping others, remember: you deserve the same kindness you give. By loving yourself as you love others, you ensure that your ability to give remains strong and that you continue to show up for those who need you without losing yourself along the way.
Take care of yourself. You deserve it.
