Discipline. It’s a word that can conjure up images of stern drill sergeants or rigid routines. For many of us in the transgender community, especially those who transitioned later in life, discipline might be something we associate with trying to fit into a box that never quite felt right.
As a trans woman who spent time in the military before transitioning, I understand that feeling intimately. The military is a masterclass in discipline—following orders, adhering to strict schedules, and pushing yourself physically and mentally. It can be incredibly rewarding, fostering a sense of accomplishment and camaraderie. Yet, for me, that discipline eventually served a purpose that went beyond the military itself. It became the foundation upon which I built the courage to transition and forge my own path.
The truth is, discipline isn’t about blind obedience or forcing yourself into something that doesn’t fit. It’s about harnessing your willpower to achieve your goals, big or small. It’s about prioritizing your well-being and making choices that move you closer to the life you truly desire.
Transitioning can be a marathon, not a sprint. It requires a unique blend of strength, resilience, and, yes, discipline. But this discipline isn’t about forcing yourself to conform; it’s about taking control of your narrative and building a life that reflects your authentic self.
Here’s why developing a healthy sense of discipline can be such a powerful tool on your transgender journey:
- Goal Achievement: Transitioning often involves a multitude of goals: social, medical, and legal. Whether it’s taking that first step with a therapist, saving for top surgery, or coming out to family, discipline helps you break down these goals into manageable steps and stick to the plan.
- Self-Care: Transitioning can be emotionally and physically demanding. Discipline allows you to prioritize self-care, incorporating healthy habits like sleep, exercise, and a supportive social circle into your routine.
- Focus and Persistence: There will be hurdles and setbacks along the way. Discipline helps you stay focused on your long-term goals and persevere through challenges.
- Confidence and Self-Esteem: Following through on commitments and achieving goals builds confidence. Discipline fosters a sense of self-respect, knowing you can rely on your own strength to navigate life’s complexities.
Moving Beyond Imposed Discipline:
Many of us in the transgender community have spent a significant portion of our lives trying to conform to societal expectations. This might have meant suppressing our authentic selves or adhering to rigid gender norms. It’s important to recognize that the discipline we’re talking about here is different.
This is about reclaiming your agency and using your willpower to build a life that aligns with your true self. It’s about setting your own standards and holding yourself accountable to them, not to please others but to honor your authentic self.
Building Your Discipline Muscle
Discipline isn’t a magic switch you can flip on. It’s a muscle that needs to be exercised and strengthened over time. Here are some tips to get you started:
- Start Small: Don’t overwhelm yourself with drastic lifestyle changes. Begin with small, achievable goals, like waking up 15 minutes earlier or incorporating a short meditation session into your routine.
- Find Your “Why”: Connecting your discipline to a powerful “why” can fuel your motivation. Is it about feeling more confident in your own skin? Living a healthier life? Visualize the positive outcomes that your discipline will bring.
- Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. This reinforces positive behavior and keeps you motivated.
- Forgive Yourself: Everyone has setbacks. Don’t beat yourself up if you have a bad day or miss a goal. Pick yourself up, learn from it, and recommit to your path.
- Find Supportive People: Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who believe in you and your journey. Their encouragement can go a long way.
The Bottom Line
Remember, your journey is unique. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to discipline. Experiment, find what works for you, and, most importantly, be kind to yourself along the way. Transitioning is a beautiful, transformative process.
Discipline can be an empowering tool that helps you navigate it with grace and resilience. You are strong, you are capable, and you deserve to live authentically on your own terms.
