Embarking on my social transition in my 50s has been a transformative and humbling experience. Having been married for nearly 35 years in two marriages and raising three incredible daughters from my first marriage, my life has been full of love and commitment. But now, as a single transgender woman, I find myself at a new crossroads—one where community and connection feel more important than ever.
Recently, I started reaching out online, engaging with people in various LGBTQ+ spaces, and began spending time with a local LGBTQ+ group. It’s something I’m immensely thankful for. The support and understanding I’ve found in this group have shown me what it means to truly find your tribe. Just last Friday, we all met up and walked around town, chatting and laughing as we went. The night ended with a smaller group heading out to dinner. There, around the table, we shared our coming-out stories and talked about what our lives had been like during the COVID shutdown.
It was in that moment that I realized I had found my tribe. The bonds we created that night, along with the shared experiences, made me feel seen and valued in a way I hadn’t experienced in years. That sense of belonging inspired me to write this article—to offer my own story and insights for those of you who are single, whether long-term or short-term, and navigating the complex world of being a transgender individual. I want you to know that no matter where you are in your journey, you don’t have to go through it alone.
The Power of Community: Why It Matters So Much for Trans People
For anyone, but especially for transgender individuals, community is vital. Whether you’ve spent much of your life in relationships like I have or you’re navigating this world as a single person, connection with others who understand your journey can be a lifeline. As trans people, many of us face moments of deep isolation, where we feel like we’re playing hide-and-seek, but no one’s looking for us. I’ve certainly felt that way, especially when I first started my social transition and found myself single later in life.
But through this recent experience, I’ve learned just how healing it is to be surrounded by people who understand, respect, and value you for who you are. Having a tribe—a community—of people who share your experiences and offer unwavering support brings a sense of belonging that can carry you through the hardest times.
Building Strong Friendships: A Lifeline of Support
When I reflect on the friendships I’ve built recently, I’m struck by how much these relationships have helped me embrace my new life. For single transgender individuals, friendships can offer emotional depth and mutual support that’s sometimes more profound than romantic relationships. In my journey, these friendships have been lifelines of laughter, understanding, and shared experiences.
Find LGBTQ+ and Trans-Specific Groups
I found my own tribe through a local LGBTQ+ group, and it’s changed everything for me. LGBTQ+ groups, especially those focused on trans experiences, are wonderful places to meet people who share your story and understand the complexities of your journey. These groups often organize events, workshops, and support meetings that allow you to connect with others in a safe, inclusive environment.
If you’re feeling hesitant, start small. I began by engaging with LGBTQ+ spaces online, which helped me ease into more in-person interactions. Websites like Meetup or Facebook often host trans-specific groups that are designed to foster community and support. This is where you’ll find people who understand you in a way that feels both comforting and liberating.
Take Part in Local Gatherings and Pride Events
One of the best ways to form deeper connections is by attending local LGBTQ+ gatherings. Just as I did last Friday, when our group walked around town, chatting and laughing, these social gatherings allow for casual, yet meaningful interactions. Pride events, of course, are incredible moments of celebration and connection, but don’t overlook smaller meetups or community events where you can really get to know people.
That dinner we shared after our walk, where we talked about our coming out stories and life during COVID, was when I realized I wasn’t alone in my experiences. There’s something powerful about sitting across from someone who’s been through a similar journey, sharing your struggles and your triumphs.
Explore Online Communities for Friendship and Support
When I first started my social transition, I reached out to people online, and those connections were my first real step toward building my tribe. If you’re in a place where in-person interactions feel overwhelming or aren’t easily accessible, don’t underestimate the power of online friendships. Platforms like Reddit, Discord, trans-specific Facebook groups and even Twitter can provide invaluable support. These communities are often full of people who are on similar journeys and eager to share advice, offer encouragement, or simply listen.
Some of my first conversations about transitioning happened online, and I was struck by how much support I found there. Even now, I remain connected to people I met virtually, and those bonds continue to grow stronger over time.
Creating a Chosen Family: Redefining Support Systems
For many trans individuals, myself included, the concept of a chosen family becomes essential. Not everyone receives unconditional support from their biological family, and that’s where chosen family comes in—a network of people who love, affirm, and care for you.
Finding People Who Accept You Fully
In my local LGBTQ+ group, I’ve found people who genuinely accept me for who I am. These are people I choose to share my life with, and they’ve become an integral part of my support system. A chosen family is made up of friends, mentors, and allies who offer unconditional love and support. They become your anchors in a world that may not always understand you.
For me, this group became my chosen family the night we shared our stories over dinner. It was in the laughter, the vulnerability, and the shared experiences that I felt truly seen and accepted. These are the kinds of connections we all deserve, and they’re out there waiting to be discovered.
Open Communication Is Key
Building a chosen family requires open communication. Let people know what you need from them—whether that’s emotional support, advice, or simply companionship. I’ve learned that by being vulnerable and honest with others, I’ve created deeper, more fulfilling relationships. Setting boundaries and communicating openly about your needs is crucial for maintaining healthy, supportive connections.
Create Shared Moments and Traditions
Some of the most memorable moments of my life now involve these shared experiences with my chosen family. Whether it’s attending community events together, celebrating transition milestones, or just enjoying a simple dinner, these moments help solidify those connections. In my own life, the dinner we shared after that night of walking and laughing was a reminder that you don’t have to go through this journey alone.
Accessing Broader Community Support
In addition to personal relationships, accessing broader community support is crucial. From healthcare to legal assistance, having resources that affirm your identity makes a world of difference.
- Seek Trans-Affirming Healthcare Providers: Finding trans-affirming healthcare is one of the most critical aspects of feeling supported. I’ve been fortunate to connect with providers who understand my needs and respect my identity. Whether it’s through local LGBTQ+ centers or national organizations like Planned Parenthood, seeking care from trans-affirming professionals can help ease the anxiety that often accompanies medical transitions.
- Get Involved with Trans Advocacy: Advocacy groups like the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) and Human Rights Campaign (HRC) offer invaluable resources for navigating the legal and social challenges many of us face. I’ve become more involved in these advocacy efforts in recent years, and I encourage you to seek out similar resources to help you feel empowered and informed.
- Prioritize Mental Health: During my transition, I’ve also realized how essential mental health care is. Whether through individual therapy or group support, having someone to talk to can help you process your emotions and navigate the challenges of being a single trans person. Many LGBTQ+ organizations offer low-cost or sliding-scale therapy, which can be a lifeline if you’re feeling overwhelmed or isolated.
Embracing Singleness: Finding Freedom in Being Alone
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in recent years is that being single isn’t a limitation—it’s an opportunity. As my dear friend recently told me, “Treasure life being single rather than being in a relationship and not happy with it.” Those words have become a guiding principle for me as I’ve stepped into this new chapter of my life.
- Focus on Self-Care and Personal Growth: Being single has allowed me to focus on myself in ways I hadn’t been able to before. Whether it’s taking up new hobbies, investing in my health, or pursuing passions that bring me joy, I’ve found fulfillment in living for myself. Self-care and self-growth are powerful tools in building a fulfilling life, regardless of relationship status.
- Redefine Intimacy and Connection: I’ve also learned that intimacy doesn’t always come from romantic relationships. Deep friendships, chosen family, and shared experiences can provide the emotional closeness we often seek in romantic partners. It’s been freeing to redefine what intimacy means to me and to find it in the people I choose to surround myself with.
The Bottom Line
Writing this article feels like an affirmation of the journey I’ve been on and the connections I’ve made. Being a single trans person, especially later in life, comes with its challenges, but it also offers incredible opportunities for growth, connection, and self-discovery. I found my tribe in a local LGBTQ+ group, and I’ve seen how powerful it is to be surrounded by people who accept you as you are.
Wherever you are in your journey, know that you don’t have to walk this path alone. Your tribe is out there, waiting to welcome you with open arms. So, what’s your next step in finding your tribe?
