Your cat misgendered you again.
You told yourself it was a fluke the first time. A slip of the paw. Maybe the meow was just ambiguous. But now it’s a pattern. You walk in the room, and they give you that look—the one that says, “I remember when you were named Greg.”
We get it. Explaining gender to pets can be… complicated. They’re adorable, emotionally unavailable freeloaders who literally eat your food and ignore your pronouns. But don’t worry. We’re here to help.
This satirical guide is for anyone who’s ever been misgendered by a tabby, ignored by a golden retriever, or side-eyed by a parrot named Karen. It’s funny, yes—but it’s also for real. Because being trans can be hard, even in our own homes. And sometimes the best way to cope is to laugh, loudly and lovingly, at the absurdity of it all.
So here it is: a comprehensive guide to helping your pet get with the gender program.
Step 1: Know Your Audience
Before you even start, take a moment to reflect on what kind of creature you’re dealing with.
- Cats: Independent. Judgmental. Unimpressed by your binder, your top surgery scars, or your new name. Will sit on your chest while you cry and purr loudly into your dysphoria.
- Dogs: Enthusiastic allies. Will still call you “good boy” until corrected. Happy to change, but require snacks and affirmation every 3.2 seconds.
- Parrots: The worst. Will misgender you with terrifying vocal accuracy at dinner parties. Might be doing it on purpose.
- Lizards, Snakes, and Fish: Apolitical. Chill. Honestly, you might be projecting. But still valid.
Each pet requires a different approach. One size does not fit all (just like gender).
Step 2: Practice Your Script
Like any good coming-out conversation, preparation is key. Try something like this:
“Listen, Mr. Whiskers. I need to talk to you about something important. I’m still the same person who gives you treats and cleans your litter box. But I’m also growing into someone new. My name is Jordan now, and I use they/them pronouns. I know this might be confusing, but I believe in you. Also, stop knocking over my HRT bottle.”
Use clear, affirming language. Avoid sarcasm (your dog will cry, your cat will ignore you harder). And be ready for follow-up questions like:
- “Can I still sit in your lap?”
- “Does this affect dinner time?”
- *”Is gender edible?”
Step 3: Visual Aids Help
Pets are visual learners. Consider using:
- A pronoun bandana for dogs (they won’t read it, but your neighbors will)
- A name tag update on collars or tanks
- Sticky notes on your fish tank that read “My name is NOT she/her, Brenda!”
- PowerPoint presentations with slides like “What Is Gender? (And Why You Should Care, Mittens)”
Extra credit if you print a mini zine and leave it in their crate.
Step 4: Reinforce With Positive Training
Much like cis people, pets respond well to conditioning.
- When your dog responds to your correct name: treat.
- When your parrot says, “He” instead of “They”? Time-out.
- When your cat walks across your estrogen patches without judgment? Praise them. Respectfully.
Consistency is key. Eventually, they will learn that respecting your identity = snacks. Just like cis people, really.
Step 5: Prepare for Missteps (and Forgive Them Anyway)
Your pet may slip up. They may deadname you. They may lick your face mid-cry and then barf on your binder. They may chirp your old name just as your cute date arrives.
Remember: they are not doing it to hurt you. (Well, except for parrots. They might be.)
Correct them gently:
“No, Bubbles. We don’t say that anymore. That name was part of a life I outgrew. Also, please stop swimming in circles during my affirmations.”
Give them time. Give yourself grace. Remember how long it took you to understand gender. Your hamster is still figuring out mirrors.
Step 6: Use Media Representation
Representation matters. Pets absorb more than you think.
Put on:
- Pose for your dog (they love the drama)
- Steven Universe for your cat (they relate to Garnet)
- YouTube makeup tutorials featuring trans creators (extra effective during nail clipping)
Normalize your identity in the home. Let them witness your glow-up.
Step 7: Celebrate the Wins
Your bird finally stopped calling you “he.”
Your dog brings your binder instead of your bra.
Your cat kneads your post-op chest like it was always meant to be that way.
These are victories.
Celebrate with a dance party, a squeaky toy, or a fresh tank cleaning. Because you deserve joy. And because teaching a chinchilla about neopronouns is exhausting.
Final Thoughts: You Are Still Valid (Even If Your Ferret Doesn’t Get It)
At the end of the day, your pet may never understand the nuances of your gender identity. They might still misgender you with their blank stare or their confused tail wags. That’s okay.
What matters is that you know who you are.
What matters is that you’re creating a space where even the air smells more like authenticity.
And hey, if your cat still refuses to use your correct name, you can always misname them back. Who’s Mr. Boots now, huh?
Keep going. Keep growing. And maybe keep the treats in your own drawer for once. If your pet does start using your correct pronouns, call us immediately. That’s not just allyship—that’s a magical familiar, and we have follow-up questions.
Note to anyone who took this article seriously: Please check the publication date. It’s April 1st. You’re doing great. Have a wonderful day.
