Let’s be real—our phones are basically our lifelines. They hold our messages, locations, personal photos, and every Google search we’ve ever made at 3 AM (yes, even “How to tell if my phone is hacked”). But for transgender individuals, phones can be more than just a way to scroll through TikTok or text friends—they can also be used as tools for surveillance and control when put in the wrong hands.
If you’ve ever worried that someone—whether it’s an abusive partner, an overbearing parent, or a complete stranger—is keeping tabs on your every move through your phone, you’re not being paranoid. Spyware and stalkerware are real threats, and they disproportionately impact marginalized communities, including trans people. Here’s how to recognize the red flags, take back your privacy, and stop potential digital surveillance in its tracks.
Spyware vs. Stalkerware: What’s the Difference?
Both spyware and stalkerware are forms of malicious software designed to invade your privacy and report back to someone else without your knowledge or consent.
- Spyware is usually more generalized and is often used by cybercriminals to collect data like passwords, financial information, and browsing habits.
- Stalkerware is more targeted and designed to track a specific person—typically by someone they know. It can record calls, intercept texts, track GPS locations, and even hijack your camera or microphone without you realizing it.
For many trans people, stalkerware isn’t just a creepy inconvenience—it’s a serious threat. Abusive partners, controlling family members, or transphobic individuals can use these tools to monitor your transition, out you without your consent, or prevent you from accessing vital support networks.
Real-World Cases Where This Information is Critical
Spyware is not just an abstract concept—it has real-life consequences. Many transgender individuals have faced surveillance through stalkerware, leading to dangerous and isolating situations.
- Youth callers unable to access trans-related resources: Parental control apps, while designed for safety, are often used to restrict transgender youth from finding community and vital information about gender identity. For those in unsupportive households, this means being forced to stay closeted without access to affirming spaces.
- Youth callers escaping abusive homes: Some transgender youth are forced to flee unsafe home environments. Parents or guardians have been known to install tracking software on their devices, making it easier to locate them after they have left. This can endanger youth who are trying to reach safe places or seek shelter.
- Adults escaping abusive relationships: Many transgender individuals face domestic violence. Abusive partners often install stalkerware to monitor their victim’s messages, calls, and location, making it nearly impossible for them to seek help or escape without being detected.
This article is meant to empower you with the knowledge to address possible instances of digital surveillance, not to create fear. The reality is that the devices we use to navigate the world are also built to be tracking devices. If used maliciously, they can limit movements, monitor gender-affirmation journeys and coming-out experiences, or be used as tools of punishment.
How Does Stalkerware Get on Your Phone?
You might think you’d notice if someone installed tracking software on your device, but stalkerware is sneaky. It can end up on your phone in ways you wouldn’t expect, including:
- Manual Installation – If someone has physical access to your phone (a partner, parent, or friend you trusted), they can install stalkerware in minutes.
- Phishing Attacks – Clicking the wrong link in a sketchy email or text could download spyware onto your device.
- Fake Apps – Some apps pretend to be security tools or parental control software, but they’re actually designed for surveillance.
- Coercion – An abusive partner or controlling guardian might force you to install tracking software under the guise of “keeping you safe.”
- Compromised Wi-Fi – Public or unsecured Wi-Fi networks can be exploited to install spyware remotely.
Once installed, stalkerware gives the other person access to your personal data, calls, messages, and even live microphone or camera feeds. Yes, that means they could literally be listening in on your conversations or watching you through your phone’s camera. Creepy, right?
Signs Your Phone Might Be Compromised
If your phone is acting up in weird ways, stalkerware could be the culprit. Look out for these red flags:
- Battery Draining Fast – If your phone’s battery suddenly starts depleting quicker than usual, it might be because spyware is running in the background.
- Overheating – Is your phone getting suspiciously warm, even when it’s just sitting idle? That could be spyware doing its thing.
- High Data Usage – Stalkerware needs to send data somewhere. If your data usage has skyrocketed for no reason, it could be a red flag.
- Unfamiliar Apps – Noticed a random app you don’t remember installing? It might be spyware in disguise.
- Weird Glitches – If your phone starts acting possessed—random restarts, lagging, or apps crashing—it could mean someone has access to your system.
- Settings Changing on Their Own – If your GPS, Bluetooth, or microphone keeps turning on mysteriously, someone might be controlling it remotely.
- Static or Echoing Calls – If you hear weird noises or echoes on calls, someone might be listening in.
Common Stalkerware Apps You Should Know About
These apps often pretend to be legitimate monitoring tools but are frequently misused for unauthorized surveillance. If you find any of these installed on your device, you need to act fast:
- mSpy – Marketed as a parental control app but widely abused for surveillance.
- FlexiSPY – Allows full access to calls, messages, and GPS.
- Hoverwatch – Runs invisibly while tracking texts, calls, and social media.
- Spyzie – Advertised for parental monitoring but often used for spying.
- XNSPY – Grants remote access to texts, location, and call logs.
- Cocospy – Monitors in real time, including tracking GPS locations.
- TheTruthSpy – Records calls and logs keystrokes without detection.
- Highster Mobile – Offers stealth tracking of texts, calls, and social media.
If any of these apps (or similar ones) are on your device and you didn’t install them, it’s time to take action.
What to Do If Your Phone Has Stalkerware
First, assess your safety. If the person monitoring you is dangerous or abusive, removing the software too suddenly could alert them, putting you at risk. Here’s what you can do:
- Use a Different Device to Seek Help – If possible, contact support organizations from a secure device.
- Change Your Passwords – Update your phone passcode, social media logins, and email passwords.
- Run an Anti-Spyware Scan – Apps like Malwarebytes, Certo, or Norton Mobile Security can detect and remove spyware.
- Reset Your Phone – A factory reset wipes everything, including stalkerware. (Only do this if it’s safe to do so.)
- Get Professional Help – A cybersecurity expert can check your phone without triggering alerts to the stalker.
How to Prevent Stalkerware in the Future
Prevention is always better than damage control—especially when it comes to digital security. If someone has already tried to spy on you once, or if you just want to stay ahead of potential threats, taking a few proactive steps can make all the difference. Strengthening your phone’s security doesn’t have to be complicated, and a few smart habits can go a long way in keeping prying eyes out of your business. Here’s how to lock down your device and keep it yours and yours alone.
- Use Strong Passwords – No birthdays or pet names. Go with something random.
- Enable Two-Factor Authentication (2FA) – Makes it harder for anyone to hack your accounts.
- Be Wary of App Permissions – Does a flashlight app really need access to your camera and location? Probably not.
- Stick to Secure Wi-Fi – Avoid using public or unsecured networks for sensitive activities.
- Review Your Devices Regularly – Check what apps are installed and what permissions they have.
Support and Resources
If you believe you’re being monitored:
- Reach Out to Support Organizations – Organizations like Trans Lifeline offer support and resources for transgender individuals facing digital surveillance and other challenges.
- Develop a Safety Plan – Consider using a secure device to communicate with trusted individuals and plan your next steps.
- Consult Professionals – Digital security experts can provide personalized assistance and help ensure your device is secure.
The Bottom Line
Maintaining control over your digital presence is vital, especially for transgender individuals who may be at increased risk of surveillance and control. By staying vigilant, recognizing the signs of spyware, and implementing robust security practices, you can protect your privacy and autonomy. Remember, support is available, and taking proactive steps can make a significant difference in safeguarding your digital and personal well-being.
For many transgender individuals, stalkerware presents a significant danger. Abusers, controlling family members, and even strangers may use these tools to track movement, intercept messages, and control access to online resources. It is important to recognize and understand these threats to take action against them.
