Trigger Warning: This article discusses topics related to suicide, bullying, and harassment within the transgender community. Reader discretion is advised. If you are feeling vulnerable or distressed, please consider reaching out to a trusted support system or a mental health professional.
As a transgender woman who has lived through the early days of the internet, I’ve seen the landscape of our world shift dramatically. I remember sharing a landline to get online, enduring the shrill tones of dial-up just to connect with others. Back then, our community was smaller, more hidden, and the connections we made were lifelines. The internet was a place of discovery, solidarity, and support. But as our visibility has grown, so too have the challenges we face—not just from the outside world but, heartbreakingly, from within our own community.
I know that by writing this article, I’m inviting attacks and downvotes. There will be those who are offended, who feel targeted, and who might lash out. But let me be clear: I don’t really care. The truth needs to be said, and if that means ruffling some feathers, so be it. We cannot allow ourselves to be silenced or to turn a blind eye to the harm happening within our own ranks. If we’re not willing to confront these issues head-on, then we’re no better than those who seek to tear us down from the outside.
The Rising Tide of Internal Bullying
It’s devastating to acknowledge, but there has been an uptick in bullying within the transgender community, and it needs to stop. We already face relentless attacks from TERFs (trans-exclusionary radical feminists), gender-critical, and conservative voices who see us as threats to their narrow worldviews. To endure attacks from within our own community is a betrayal that cuts even deeper.
We are supposed to be a refuge for one another, a place where we can find understanding, acceptance, and solidarity. But the reality is that some within our community have turned to attacking their fellow transgender individuals, contributing to the very same toxic environment that so many of us struggle to escape. This behavior is unacceptable, and it must end immediately.
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The Weight of Our Struggles
Living as a transgender person is challenging enough. We grapple with societal rejection, discrimination, and violence on a daily basis. Many of us have experienced harassment at work, in public, and even within our own families. The statistics are harrowing: according to the 2021 U.S. Transgender Survey, 40% of transgender adults have attempted suicide at some point in their lives, nearly nine times the rate of the general U.S. population. Suicidal ideation—defined as having serious thoughts about taking one’s own life—is an all-too-common experience in our community.
For those who may not be familiar, suicidal ideation is a mental health condition where an individual frequently contemplates ending their own life. It’s a terrifying and isolating experience, often driven by feelings of hopelessness, despair, and the belief that there is no escape from the pain. It’s a stark reality that many transgender people live with, exacerbated by the constant barrage of negativity and rejection that we face.
When members of our own community contribute to this cycle of pain through bullying and harassment, they are complicit in these statistics. They are complicit in the isolation, the despair, and, tragically, the deaths of our brothers and sisters.
Developing a Thick Skin, But at What Cost?
I’ve been fortunate enough to develop a thick skin over the years, a byproduct of enduring countless slurs and attacks from people who see my existence as an affront to their sense of order. I’ve learned to brush off these assaults, to build a wall between myself and the cruelty that seems to seep through every crack in our society. But not everyone has had the luxury of time or the privilege of experience to do the same.
Many in our community are still struggling with their mental and physical health. They are vulnerable, fragile, and in desperate need of support—not further harm. When you choose to attack a fellow transgender person, you are choosing to become the very thing that we have all fought so hard against. You are choosing to be the bully, the oppressor, and the abuser. And that is a choice that reflects more on you than on the person you are attacking.
Stop and Think: Why Attack Your Own?
If you ever find yourself on the verge of attacking another transgender person—whether out of jealousy, anger, or a misguided sense of superiority—take a moment to stop and think. Ask yourself why you feel the need to tear down someone who is walking the same difficult path as you. What do you gain by adding to their pain? Is it really worth it to cause harm to someone who is already struggling just to survive in this world?
The truth is, we have enough enemies. We don’t need to create more from within our own ranks. We don’t need to add to the already overwhelming burden that so many transgender people carry every day. We need to lift each other up, to support one another, and to build a community that is strong, resilient, and compassionate.
How to Stay Mentally Safe Online
The internet can be a brutal place, especially for transgender people. It’s a battleground where we are often the target of hate and harassment. But there are ways to protect yourself and maintain your mental health in the face of this onslaught.
- Curate Your Social Media: Don’t be afraid to block or mute people who are toxic or harmful. Your mental health is more important than engaging with trolls or haters. Surround yourself with positive influences and communities that uplift you.
- Limit Exposure to Negative News: Constantly consuming negative news about anti-trans legislation, violence, and discrimination can be overwhelming. While it’s important to stay informed, it’s also crucial to take breaks and protect your mental health.
- Engage in Self-Care: Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading, listening to music, or practicing mindfulness, self-care is essential for maintaining your mental well-being.
- Reach Out for Support: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional. There are also many online support groups and resources specifically for transgender people.
- Educate Yourself About Cyberbullying: Understanding the tactics that bullies use can help you recognize and avoid them. Familiarize yourself with common forms of cyberbullying, such as doxxing, harassment, and trolling, so you can protect yourself.
Helpful Resources
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal ideation or bullying, there are resources available that can help.
- Trans Lifeline: A peer support hotline run by and for transgender people. They offer support, information, and resources for those in crisis. You can reach them at 877-565-8860.
- The Trevor Project: A national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ youth. They offer a 24/7 hotline, chat, and text support. Visit their website at www.thetrevorproject.org for more information.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: A 24/7, free, and confidential support line for people in distress, as well as prevention and crisis resources. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Building a Stronger, Kinder Community
Our community is built on the foundation of shared experiences, of the unique challenges that come with being transgender. We know what it’s like to feel alone, to feel different, and to fight for the right to exist as our true selves. That shared understanding should make us stronger, more compassionate, and more supportive of one another.
But we cannot build a stronger community if we are tearing each other down from within. We cannot claim to be advocates for transgender rights and equality if we are contributing to the very harm that we seek to eliminate. It is up to each and every one of us to create a community that is inclusive, supportive, and free from hate.
We are all in this together. We are all fighting the same battles, facing the same challenges, and striving for the same goals. Let’s not make those battles harder by turning on each other. Instead, let’s focus on what we can do to uplift one another, to protect one another, and to build a community that we can all be proud to be a part of.
The Bottom Line
In a world that is already so hostile to transgender people, we cannot afford to be hostile to one another. We must choose kindness, compassion, and understanding. We must choose to be better, to do better, and to protect our own. Because, at the end of the day, we are all we have. And if we don’t stand up for each other, who will?
So the next time you feel the urge to attack a fellow transgender person, stop and think. Think about the impact your words and actions will have. Think about the pain you might cause. And then choose to be kind. Choose to be the person who lifts others up, not the person who tears them down. Because in this fight for our rights, for our existence, and for our lives, we need all the strength and unity we can get.
And we need each other. Now more than ever.
