Growing up, I had a younger brother. Still do. He’s not cruel or hostile. There have never been shouting matches or slammed doors. When we’re in the same room, there’s no friction. No fighting. But also… no closeness. No emotional check-ins. No, “I’m proud of you.” Just a quiet, distant kind of existence. Like two people who know how to coexist but never really connect.
For a long time, I told myself that was enough. No drama, no rejection—that’s a win, right?
But as I moved through my transition, it became harder to pretend that silence was support. That “not hurting me” was the same thing as “loving me.” It’s not. And it left a space in my life I didn’t know how to fill.
Until I met my sisters.
And no, not the ones I share blood with. The ones I found in the community—the fierce, beautiful, stubborn, magical women who wrapped their arms around me like they’d been waiting all along.
That’s when I realized something nobody tells you growing up: family is more than genetics. Siblinghood doesn’t have to be inherited—it can be built.
Finding Family in Unexpected Places
I know that for many transgender people, especially around days like National Siblings Day, things can feel… complicated. Maybe you’ve got siblings who “don’t want to talk about it.” Maybe your sister used to be your best friend but now avoids your texts. Maybe your brother shrugs every time you bring up pronouns, like it’s all just too much effort.
Or maybe you never had siblings to begin with. Maybe you were an only child, or you’re estranged, or your family fell apart and you never found your way back to each other. That kind of grief doesn’t get much airtime. There’s no Hallmark card for “I wish we had a relationship, but we don’t.”
And yet, I want you to know this: you are not missing out on something you can’t still have.
Because I have sisters now. Not “like sisters.” Not “chosen family in theory.” I mean real, honest-to-goddess sisters who know me better than anyone ever has. They show up. They love me without condition or correction. They remind me of who I am on the days I forget. We’ve cried on floors together. We’ve laughed over cheap wine and gender euphoria. We’ve held each other through heartbreak, transition, and triumph. And I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
We didn’t grow up in the same house, but we grew up together—emotionally, spiritually, in all the ways that matter.
The Grief No One Talks About
There’s a kind of ache that comes with being the only trans person in your biological family. Even if your relatives “accept” you, that doesn’t always mean they get you. There’s this wall between your experience and theirs—one they might not even see, let alone try to climb.
And when that disconnect shows up in sibling relationships, it can feel particularly isolating. Siblings are supposed to be your first best friends. The ones who protect you, tease you, share your history. But when transition enters the chat, those roles can start to unravel. Sometimes they mourn who they thought you were. Sometimes they disappear altogether.
And sometimes they just go quiet. Not angry. Not cruel. Just… absent. And that absence can be a heartbreak all its own.
I spent years hoping that maybe one day my brother would surprise me. That he’d ask questions. Show interest. Say something—anything—that made me feel like I belonged to him the way he’s always belonged to our family. But that day never came.
Instead, what came was community. Loud, brilliant, gorgeous community. I met women who took one look at me and said, “Hey sis.” Like it was obvious. Like I’d always been one of them. And from that moment, something inside me shifted. I stopped waiting for connection to come from where it never had, and started embracing it where it was already overflowing.
No Siblings? No Problem. You’re Still Not Alone.
If you’re someone who never had siblings—whether because you were an only child, or estranged, or orphaned by circumstance or rejection—I want to say something clearly: you’re not alone in this. And you’re not broken.
You don’t need a brother to feel protected. You don’t need a sister to feel loved. You don’t need a family name to feel claimed. Those feelings? That kind of fierce loyalty and unconditional love? That can exist outside blood. It can be found in your friends, your chosen family, and your community.
It can be found in us.
Because in this community, we adopt each other. We look at one another and say, “Hey, you don’t have to do this alone.” We show up with healing hands, open hearts, and inside jokes. We celebrate your name. We witness your transformation. We hold space for your rage, your grief, your softness, your joy.
We become siblings in the ways that matter most.
To the Families and Allies Trying to Do Better
To the families and allies reading this—thank you. Your presence here matters. And I hope it encourages you to show up more, not just in thoughts or well-meaning Facebook posts, but in action.
If you have a trans sibling, let them know you love them. Say it out loud. Celebrate their wins. Ask them how they’re really doing. Don’t wait for them to make it easy—lean into the discomfort and choose connection anyway. Use their name. Get the pronouns right. It’s not about perfection; it’s about effort. It’s about love.
The Bottom Line
To my trans siblings—my sisters, especially—you’ve made my life fuller, richer, and more real than I ever thought possible. You’re not just family. You’re the best part of it.
So this National Siblings Day, I’ll raise a glass to you. To the ones who weren’t born into my life but who stepped into it anyway—and stayed.
You’re the kind of sisters I always dreamed of. And the kind I’ll never stop fighting for.
