The concept of “passing” within the transgender community is a topic fraught with complexity and emotion. As a transgender woman who doesn’t “pass” by conventional standards, I’ve grappled with the pressures and judgments that come from both society at large and, unfortunately, from within our own community. Recent personal experiences have prompted me to delve deeper into this issue, questioning whether the pursuit of blending in with cisgender peers undermines the authenticity and diversity that make our community resilient and unique.
Understanding “Passing” and Its Implications
The ability of a transgender person to pass as cisgender and conform to societal expectations for gender presentation is known as “passing.” For some, passing can provide a sense of safety and affirmation. It can shield individuals from discrimination, harassment, and even violence. However, the emphasis on passing often imposes external pressures that can be both unattainable and damaging, especially for those who, like me, transitioned later in life or face biological limitations that even medical interventions cannot fully overcome.
Passing is not a universal experience or goal within the transgender community. Factors such as access to healthcare, financial resources, age at the time of transition, and genetic traits significantly influence one’s ability to pass. Those who can pass may inadvertently enjoy certain privileges, navigating social situations with less scrutiny or prejudice. However, this privilege can also create divisions, fostering a hierarchy where those who don’t pass are marginalized or deemed less valid in their identities.
A Personal Encounter with Internal Gatekeeping
Recently, I found myself at the center of a disheartening exchange that highlighted the internal pressures to conform to passing standards. On the social media platform, Bluesky, I engaged in a conversation with Brianna Wu, a transgender woman who has been publicly visible for many years.
Brianna expressed frustration about having to appear on cable news to defend transgender women using women’s bathrooms, stating, “I have to go on cable news today and defend trans women in bathrooms. I don’t wanna do this. I happily went 20 years without talking about being trans. A most sincere GO [EXPLETIVE] YOURSELF to the ‘trans activists’ with lunatic ideas forcing people like me to debate [things] we settled in 1979.”
Feeling compelled to respond, I replied, “Nobody is forcing you to do this, and nobody elected you as the representative for trans people. This is your choice.”
Her response was cutting, “Who’s gonna do it? You? You didn’t even transition. Get off the cross.” I questioned, “Define transition,” in shock after hearing her dismissal. She retorted, “More.”
I continued, “Well, I’m sorry I don’t meet your standards, but some of us either don’t have the means or the ability due to our circumstances. I have done what I can and keep taking baby steps. Maybe someday you’ll let me into YOUR club.” Her final remark was, “Succeed or fail, it’s your life. Just do not lecture me.”
This exchange left me feeling invalidated and excluded—not just by society at large, but by someone within our own community. It highlighted how the emphasis on passing can lead to gatekeeping, where those who don’t meet certain standards are dismissed or silenced.
The expectation that all transgender individuals should strive to pass places undue pressure on many who, for various reasons, cannot or choose not to conform to traditional gender norms. It dismisses the experiences of non-binary and gender-nonconforming people and invalidates the identities of those who, like me, are on a different path in their transition.
Such attitudes can erode the solidarity within our community, making it harder to advocate for the rights and acceptance we all deserve. When internal divisions arise over who is “trans enough,” we lose sight of the common challenges we face and the collective strength we possess.
The Challenges of Transitioning Later in Life
Transitioning is a deeply personal journey, and for those of us who begin later in life, the hurdles can be particularly daunting. Biological puberty can bring about permanent changes that are difficult, if not impossible, to alter completely. Financial restrictions, health issues, or other personal circumstances may limit access to hormones, surgeries, and other medical interventions.
Despite these challenges, the decision to live authentically is a courageous one. It requires confronting not only societal prejudices but also overcoming internalized doubts and fears. To have our journeys dismissed or belittled by others within the community is both hurtful and counterproductive.
The Broader Context: A Time for Unity
Our internal struggles occur against a backdrop of increasing external threats to transgender rights. Recently, Rep. Nancy Mace introduced a bill aiming to ban transgender women from using women’s bathrooms in the U.S. Capitol—a move widely seen as targeting Sarah McBride, the first openly transgender person elected to the House. Such legislative efforts underscore the urgent need for unity and mutual support within our community.
When prominent figures like Brianna Wu express reluctance to advocate on behalf of the community or dismiss the experiences of others, it raises important questions about representation and responsibility. While no one is obligated to be a spokesperson, those who choose to step into the spotlight bear a certain level of accountability to ensure they are uplifting, not undermining, the community’s diversity.
Embracing Authenticity and Diversity
The strength of the transgender community lies in its diversity. Our varied experiences, backgrounds, and journeys enrich our collective narrative. By embracing authenticity over conformity, we create space for all voices to be heard and valued.
It’s essential to challenge the notion that passing should be the ultimate goal for transgender individuals. Acceptance should not be conditional upon our ability to blend in but should be rooted in respect for our inherent worth as human beings.
My experience with Brianna Wu was a stark reminder of the work we still need to do within our community. It highlighted the importance of approaching one another with empathy and understanding, recognizing that each person’s journey is unique.
By fostering an environment of inclusivity, we can better support those who are struggling, whether due to external circumstances or internal conflicts. Together, we can advocate for a society that celebrates, rather than diminishes, our differences.
The Bottom Line
The debate over passing brings to light critical issues about authenticity, acceptance, and the values that should guide our community. We must resist the temptation to impose narrow standards on one another and instead focus on building bridges of understanding.
In times when our rights and existence are being challenged, solidarity becomes not just important but essential. By standing together, respecting each other’s journeys, and lifting up all voices within our community, we can more effectively push back against the forces that seek to marginalize us.
Author’s Note
Writing this article was both personal and necessary. My interaction with Brianna Wu was a catalyst that compelled me to speak out against the internal pressures that can fracture our community. I hope that by sharing my experience, others who feel unseen or invalidated will know they are not alone.
Let us strive to be a community that values each member, recognizing that our strength comes from our diversity and our shared commitment to living authentically. Only then can we hope to create a world where acceptance is unconditional and authenticity is celebrated.
