It’s that time of year again—the lights are twinkling, the carols are playing on repeat, and peppermint-flavored everything is on the menu. The holiday season might conjure images of cozy sweaters, gift-giving, and heartwarming reunions. But behind those cheery shop windows and festive restaurant facades is a more complicated reality. For many transgender individuals working in retail, restaurants, and bars, what’s billed as the “happiest time of the year” can easily descend into a gauntlet of hostility, tension, and emotional strain.
While customers hunt for the perfect present or enjoy holiday feasts and cocktails, transgender workers in these industries often find themselves under an unrelenting spotlight. Misgendering, deadnaming, invasive questions, and a lack of workplace support can turn the holiday hustle into a season of high-stress survival. It’s a jarring contrast: an entire cultural narrative urging peace on Earth and goodwill to all, while some workers endure microaggressions (and sometimes outright hostility) that make them dread the next shift.
The challenges unfold in both retail and foodservice settings. Trans employees at clothing stores, electronics outlets, bars, coffee shops, and fine-dining establishments grapple with similar issues—rude customers, dismissive managers, and co-workers who may or may not have their backs. This article aims to spotlight these struggles, exploring why the holidays can magnify them and offering strategies for making the season more bearable and inclusive. Most importantly, it’s a call to action for everyone—employers, colleagues, customers, allies, and family members—to recognize and address the very real hardships transgender workers face when tinsel and tune-filled cheer are supposed to reign supreme.
The Holiday Pressure Cooker
The holiday season is notorious for being stressful, but it’s even more complex for those on the front lines of customer service. Retail workers navigate crowded aisles, endless return lines, and impatient shoppers desperate for last-minute deals. Meanwhile, restaurant and bar staff juggle large parties, overbooked reservations, rushed meal services, and patrons who may have overindulged in spiked eggnog. In both scenarios, time is tight, tempers can flare, and the pressure to maintain a smile can feel suffocating.
For transgender workers, these conditions intensify existing vulnerabilities. The rush of the season strips away the usual social filters some customers might maintain—patience is scarce and empathy even scarcer. Retail associates might have a line of people waiting to check out while someone loudly questions their pronouns. Bartenders might be trying to serve a busy crowd when a guest decides to lob a transphobic remark or ask an inappropriate personal question. A server at a brunch spot might get cornered by a patron who “just wants to know” their birth name.
Under normal circumstances, it’s tough. Under holiday crunch time, it can feel like a minefield.
Why the Holidays Make It Worse
What is it about December (and, let’s be honest, November and January too) that cranks up the volume on hostility and ignorance? Part of the answer lies in the heightened stress everyone feels. Customers are stretched thin financially, emotionally, and timewise. The pressure to find the perfect gift or host the perfect holiday gathering can make even generally kind people snap over minor inconveniences.
In a bar, this tension can escalate when alcohol is involved. A guest who might usually mind their manners could become emboldened to ask invasive questions or make rude comments after a few festive cocktails. In restaurants, large parties and corporate holiday dinners mean multiple rounds of complicated orders and impatient customers. Meanwhile, retail workers might deal with shoppers who are furious that a popular item is sold out—and who might, in their frustration, direct venomous comments at anyone who looks “different” to them.
For transgender employees, the underlying message is often clear: in moments of stress, some customers show their true colors. Harmful biases rise to the surface, making trans workers prime targets for misdirected anger and discrimination. The charm of the season can quickly dissolve into a gauntlet of microaggressions and overt cruelty.
Misgendering, Deadnaming, and Invasive Questions
At the heart of many negative encounters are acts of misgendering and deadnaming. Being consistently referred to by incorrect pronouns or hearing a pre-transition name tossed around can be profoundly hurtful. These incidents strike at the core of a person’s identity, forcing them to field personal attacks while simultaneously doing their best to remain professional and calm.
In retail, a trans woman at a clothing boutique might experience customers who purposefully misuse her pronouns after she gently corrects them. In a restaurant, a nonbinary server might be pointedly called “sir” or “ma’am” after they’ve introduced themselves by name. In a bar setting, a transgender bartender might be asked, “What are you really?” by a tipsy customer leaning over the counter.
These scenarios aren’t just annoyances. They’re emotional gut-punches that add up over a shift, a week, or an entire holiday season. Even one aggressive interaction can ruin an entire day and linger like a bad taste in one’s mouth. This erasure of identity can make the holiday cheer feel hollow or even mocking.
Rigid Gender Norms and Festive Dress Codes
The holiday season often comes with themed uniforms or strict dress codes—think Santa hats, elf costumes, reindeer antlers, or gendered “holiday dress-up” requirements. For many transgender workers, these demands feel like forced performances of a gender they don’t identify with.
In a restaurant, management might require female servers to wear form-fitting holiday dresses while male servers don button-up shirts with Christmas ties. For a trans man or a nonbinary person, being forced into a dress or told to wear the “women’s uniform” can spark dysphoria and discomfort. Similarly, in retail, seasonal aprons or color-coded outfits divided by gender can be a daily reminder of the binary expectations the business imposes. Bars might roll out themed events where bartenders are expected to wear “women’s Santa lingerie” or “men’s ugly sweaters,” leaving no room for non-gendered options.
Such situations reduce trans employees to props, prioritizing a festive aesthetic over respecting personal identity. What should be a simple costume or themed accessory becomes a source of anxiety and pain.
Navigating Customer Harassment
In both retail and foodservice, the mantra “the customer is always right” can embolden bad behavior. For a transgender host at a popular brunch spot, this could mean biting their tongue when a patron makes a snide comment, all to avoid a bad Yelp review. For a trans bartender, pushing back against harassment might mean risking tips or even job security.
Harassment can come in many forms. Some customers misgender deliberately to provoke a reaction. Others ask deeply personal questions about a person’s body or medical history, as if the worker’s identity is a sideshow for their entertainment. Holiday parties in bars can be especially problematic, as inebriated patrons may feel emboldened to push boundaries they’d normally respect.
This dynamic puts trans workers in a difficult bind: do they correct the customer and risk an escalation? Do they seek help from a manager who may or may not intervene effectively? Or do they swallow the insult to keep the peace and their paycheck? Over time, these experiences contribute to emotional exhaustion, making the holiday season feel more like a test of endurance than a celebration of joy.
Lack of Workplace Support and Policy Enforcement
Employers have a crucial role to play. Unfortunately, some managers and HR departments turn a blind eye, focusing solely on sales targets, turn-over tables, or favorable reviews. Without clear anti-discrimination policies and consistent enforcement, transgender employees are left vulnerable.
A retail store might boast an inclusive mission statement but fail to train its management on handling transphobic customers. A restaurant might have a nondiscrimination policy on paper, yet when the holidays roll around, managers might shrug off complaints and tell employees to “just ignore it.” In a bar, a security guard might let transphobic comments slide, prioritizing speedy service over a safe environment.
This lack of concrete support sends a discouraging message. It says: “We value profits and a festive brand image more than your dignity.” Over time, that message pushes transgender employees toward burnout, depression, and job instability.
Some might argue that rude customers and stressful holidays are part of the job—“nothing personal, just business.” But framing discrimination against transgender workers as an inevitable occupational hazard ignores the very real harm it causes.
We wouldn’t expect a cisgender worker to endure repeated questions about their body or to be consistently called the wrong name. We must hold ourselves, our communities, and our workplaces to a higher standard. The idea that “everyone deals with stress” dismisses the unique challenges trans workers face—challenges rooted in systemic discrimination and bias.
Both retail and foodservice jobs involve a lot of emotional labor. Smiling through insults, offering impeccable service to people who disrespect you, and keeping calm when someone questions your very existence—these actions exact a psychological toll. By the time the decorations come down and the eggnog is replaced with Valentine’s chocolates, the emotional hangover for transgender workers can linger.
This lingering stress affects mental health, job satisfaction, and long-term career prospects. High turnover rates and a lack of trust in employers are natural consequences. The cycle continues year after year unless meaningful changes are made.
Steps Toward a More Inclusive Holiday Season
So, what can we do to ensure that transgender workers in retail, restaurants, and bars don’t dread the holiday rush?
Employers and Management:
- Comprehensive Training: Make LGBTQ+ inclusivity training a non-negotiable part of staff development. Teach managers and employees how to use correct pronouns, intervene when harassment occurs, and create a respectful environment even during holiday chaos.
- Policy Enforcement: Don’t just write an anti-discrimination policy—enforce it. Make it clear that transphobia, including from customers, will not be tolerated. Provide managers with the authority and training to remove harassing patrons, even if it means losing a sale or a table.
- Flexible Dress Codes: Offer gender-neutral uniform options. If you’re planning a festive look, provide multiple choices. Let employees pick the version that aligns with their identity.
Coworkers and Allies:
- Lead by Example: Use correct pronouns and names without fail. If a customer slips up, a gentle correction can help set the right tone.
- Be Supportive: Check in with your trans coworkers after tough interactions. A simple “Hey, that was out of line—are you okay?” can help combat isolation and stress.
- Stand Up for Them: If you’re in a position to do so safely, intervene when customers harass your coworker. Your support can shift the atmosphere and encourage other employees to do the same.
Customers:
- Practice Empathy: Before snapping at a server because your appetizers are late, remember they’re human. If you’re unsure about someone’s pronouns, ask politely or use their name.
- Don’t Be a Bystander: If you witness transphobia, speak up or report it. Small gestures of solidarity matter, especially in a tense and fast-paced environment.
Transgender Workers and Self-Care:
- Know Your Rights: Familiarize yourself with local and national anti-discrimination laws. Document instances of harassment. If you can, seek advice from LGBTQ+ advocacy groups.
- Set Boundaries: If it’s safe to do so, let management know what support you need. Sometimes a conversation upfront can help avoid conflict down the line.
- Find Community: Lean on your community—friends, online groups, or local support networks. Connecting with others who understand can help you maintain resilience.
Family, Friends, and Allies Outside the Workplace
For families and allies of transgender workers, your role can be pivotal. Offer emotional support during this stressful season. Simply acknowledging what your loved one faces at work can make them feel seen and validated. Encourage self-care practices, celebrate their resilience, and consider using social media or word-of-mouth to highlight businesses that treat trans employees well. These actions add up, putting pressure on employers and shaping consumer expectations.
Pop Culture, Visibility, and Cultural Shifts
Pop culture can influence real-world behavior. As more holiday specials, advertisements, and stories feature transgender characters in respectful, normalized ways, public perception shifts. Imagine how empowering it would be for a trans bartender to have customers who’ve grown accustomed to seeing trans people represented compassionately in holiday-themed shows. Representation can help soften biases, making customers less likely to behave badly.
This progress is slow, but it’s happening. The more frequently transgender experiences appear in movies, TV, and literature—especially in positive, humanizing contexts—the more likely the broader public is to respect and affirm trans workers they meet in real life.
Intersectionality: Different Layers of Discrimination
Not all trans workers face the same challenges. Intersectional identities—race, disability, class—can compound the difficulties. A Black trans woman working as a server might face racist comments in addition to transphobia. A disabled nonbinary bartender might struggle with an environment that isn’t physically accessible while also dealing with misgendering. Recognizing these intersecting identities helps us create solutions that are truly inclusive and leave no one behind.
Speaking Up and Changing the Culture
We must speak openly about these issues to create meaningful change. By breaking the silence, we validate the experiences of transgender workers and let them know they’re not alone. Open discussions can prompt management to revise policies, encourage customers to adjust their behavior, and motivate coworkers to become better allies.
Yes, cultural shifts take time, but incremental steps matter. Every time a manager enforces a zero-tolerance policy on harassment, every time a coworker steps in to correct a pronoun slip, every time a customer decides to be kind rather than cruel—these moments accumulate. They create a safer, more respectful environment for transgender workers during the holidays and beyond.
Finding Hope in the Holiday Hustle
It’s easy to focus on the negatives—there’s no shortage of tales from transgender workers who’ve endured awful treatment. But hope can be found in the signs of progress. More employers are beginning to understand that inclusivity is good for business and morale. More coworkers are learning to be genuine allies. More customers are recognizing the harm of transphobia and adjusting their behavior.
As we look to the future, let’s aim to rewrite the holiday narrative for trans workers in retail, restaurants, and bars. Instead of silent suffering, let’s promote policies that guard against discrimination. Instead of letting transphobic comments slide, let’s create workplaces where everyone is empowered to say, “That’s not okay.” Instead of rigid, gendered uniforms, let’s offer flexible options that allow employees to express themselves comfortably and authentically.
The Bottom Line
The holiday season is supposed to revolve around love, connection, and shared joy. While these values may feel distant to transgender workers facing hostility, they don’t have to remain that way. By committing to change—through policy, education, advocacy, and simple human kindness—we can ensure that the holidays are a season of respect and affirmation for everyone.
If you’re a transgender individual working in these industries, know that your experiences are real and your feelings are valid. You deserve a workplace that respects who you are. If you’re an ally—be it a coworker, customer, family member, or friend—your support can transform a hostile environment into a sanctuary of understanding. Employers who step up to create truly inclusive spaces will not only earn the loyalty of their staff but also attract customers who value integrity and humanity.
This holiday season and beyond, let’s move the experiences of transgender workers off the “naughty list” of ignored problems and into the spotlight of collective action. By acknowledging these challenges and committing to solutions, we can bring genuine goodwill, respect, and understanding to the forefront—turning a nightmare scenario into something much closer to the warmth and wonder that the holidays claim to represent.
